I bet he comes in French.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
