yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
