the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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