I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
