How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
