Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
