Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
