she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
