Are we in a gay sports bar?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
