Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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