You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i've created a new STD.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
