And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
