I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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