well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Moan for me like Helen Keller
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
