You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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