You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
