Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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