mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
