dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
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Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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