aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
