I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
