i need an iv and a liver transplant
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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