I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
