He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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