I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
my liver is dry heaving
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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