can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
