You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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