Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
