I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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