This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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