dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
