The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
