literally had 100 drinks last night.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
