i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
