Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Sober January is a disaster.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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