Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
where are my eyebrows?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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