it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
