She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
