I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
