Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
