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It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
