i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
