when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
