we have pet lesbian snakes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
A bitchslap is in order.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
