I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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