I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
