I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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