she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
