Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
