You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
