I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only