My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
time to smoke my breakfast
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?