I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She even gives head with a lisp.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.