They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.