I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
