In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
