Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
