Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
