they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
