Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
