Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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