"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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