...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
