Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
